Can You See a Couples Therapist Alone? Why Our Couples Intensive Includes Individual Sessions
In many couples therapy formats, yes, and in the two-day couples intensive at Jaded Hearts - Center for Healing, it’s built into the schedule. On day one, after a joint intake, each partner has a private one-hour session before the couples work begins. This gives each person space to say what they haven’t been able to say in front of their partner, so the couples conversations that follow are more honest, less defensive, and more productive.
There’s a moment that happens in almost every couple’s first session.
One partner is talking. The other is listening, or trying to. And you can see it: the thing they’re not saying. The fear they’re editing. The question they’re too ashamed to ask out loud. The truth they’re not ready to put on the table with the other person watching.
That’s not dishonesty. It’s self-protection. And in couples therapy, it can quietly hold everything back.
That’s why individual time is part of our couples intensive.
Why individual sessions matter in couples therapy
When you’re sitting next to your partner, you’re doing two things at once: telling your story and managing their reaction to it. Every sentence gets filtered. Will this hurt them? Will this start a fight? Will they use this against me later?
A private session takes that filter away. In an hour alone with the therapist, each partner can:
Say what they’re actually afraid of
Share what they want, even if they’re unsure it’s possible
Admit what they haven’t been ready to say out loud
Fall apart without worrying about how it lands
Get clear on what they need from the couples work that follows
The result is couples work that starts from a deeper, more honest place, instead of spending hours circling what nobody’s saying.
Why it matters even more after an affair
After infidelity, both partners are carrying things they can’t easily say in front of each other.
The betrayed partner may need room to express rage, grief, or questions they’re afraid to ask, without worrying about overwhelming the person who hurt them, or about seeming “too much.”
The partner who had the affair often needs space to face the full truth, without being interrupted, defended against, or rushed. Individual time can help them prepare to share honestly in the couples session, instead of minimizing or revealing things in pieces. (More on why that matters in What Is Trickle Truth After an Affair?)
When both partners come into the couples session having already been heard individually, the hardest conversations tend to go differently: less defensive, more honest, and more likely to lead somewhere.
The exact schedule: a two-day couples intensive
Our couples intensive is 9 hours of counseling across two days.
Here’s how those hours are structured…
Day one: a 6-hour day, with 5 hours of counseling
| Time | Session | Who's in the room |
|---|---|---|
| Hour 1 | Joint intake | Both partners |
| Hour 2 | Individual session | Partner one |
| Hour 3 | Individual session | Partner two |
| Hour 4 | Break | Everyone |
| Hours 5 & 6 | Couples session | Both partners |
Hour 1: Joint intake. We start together. Each of you shares what brought you here, what you’re hoping for, and what feels most urgent.
Hours 2 and 3: Individual sessions. Each partner has a private hour while the other takes a break.
Hour 4: Break. A full hour to eat, walk, and reset before coming back together.
Hours 5 and 6: Couples session. With everything from the individual sessions in mind, we go into the hardest conversations, with support in the room so they don’t spiral. We close the day steady, with guidance for the evening.
Each partner spends 4 hours in session on day one: the joint intake, their own individual hour, and the two-hour couples session.
Day two: a 5-hour day, with 4 hours of counseling
| Time | Session | Who's in the room |
|---|---|---|
| Hours 1 & 2 | Couples session | Both partners |
| Hour 3 | Break | Everyone |
| Hours 4 & 5 | Couples session | Both partners |
Hours 1 and 2: Check-in and repair. What shifted overnight? What’s still raw? We work through anything unresolved from day one.
Hour 3: Break. A full hour to rest and reset.
Hours 4 and 5: Agreements and a plan. We build specific agreements about conflict, honesty, reconnection, and the pressure points in your relationship, and you leave with a clear plan for what comes next.
Between day one and day two
Couples can choose back-to-back days or take a day in between to decompress. Many couples traveling from across New Jersey stay overnight in Montclair, have a quiet dinner after day one, and come back the next morning ready to continue. The time between sessions isn’t a pause in the work. It’s often where a lot of it settles in.
What about things shared in individual sessions?
It’s a fair question, and an important one. How information shared in individual sessions is handled within couples work will be explained clearly at the start of your intensive, so both partners know what to expect before anything is shared.
Is this format right for you?
A two-day couples intensive with individual sessions is often a strong fit for:
Couples recovering from an affair or betrayal
Couples where one partner has been holding back what they really feel
Couples stuck in the same fight, with neither feeling heard
Couples deciding whether to stay together
Couples who’ve tried weekly therapy without enough progress
Couples traveling from farther away who want focused time
It may not be the right starting point if there’s physical violence, threats, or fear in the relationship. In that case, individual support comes first.
What it costs
9-hour two-day couples intensive: starting at $4,000 for weekday sessions (Monday through Thursday, ending by 3pm)
Thursday after 3pm, Fridays, and Saturdays: $5,000
Sundays: $6,000
If your two days fall in different pricing windows, the full intensive is billed at the higher rate. A 50% deposit reserves your dates. Superbills are available for out-of-network reimbursement, and we partner with Mentaya to simplify the reimbursement process.
Learn more about the couples therapy intensive, or read What Is a Couples Therapy Retreat?
Frequently Asked Questions
Can you see a couples therapist alone?
Often, yes. Many couples therapists include individual sessions as part of couples work. In the two-day couples intensive at Jaded Hearts - Center for Healing, each partner has a private one-hour session on the first day, in addition to joint sessions.
Why do couples therapists meet with partners individually?
Individual sessions give each partner space to share fears, needs, and difficult truths without managing the other person’s reaction. That often makes the couples conversations that follow more honest and productive.
Is it normal for a couples therapist to see each partner separately?
Yes. Many couples therapists use individual sessions, especially during assessment or intensive formats. It helps the therapist understand each person’s perspective and helps each partner prepare for the joint work.
What is the schedule for a two-day couples therapy intensive?
Day one is a 6-hour day with 5 hours of counseling: a one-hour joint intake, a one-hour individual session with each partner, a one-hour break, and a two-hour couples session.
Day two is a 5-hour day with 4 hours of counseling: two hours of couples work, a one-hour break, and two more hours of couples work.
How many hours is each partner in session?
On day one, each partner is in session for 4 hours: the joint intake, their individual hour, and the two-hour couples session. On day two, both partners are present for all 4 hours of counseling.
Do individual sessions help after an affair?
Yes. Individual time gives the betrayed partner room to process freely and gives the partner who had the affair space to face the full truth and prepare to share honestly, which can help prevent trickle truth in the couples session.
Will what I say in my individual session be shared with my partner?
How information from individual sessions is handled is explained at the start of the intensive, so both partners understand the approach before anything is shared.
How much does a two-day couples therapy intensive cost?
The 9-hour two-day couples intensive starts at $4,000 for weekday sessions, with higher rates for Thursday evenings, Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays. A 50% deposit reserves your dates.
Most couples come in having said everything except the thing that matters most. Individual time is where that thing finally gets said, and where the real couples work can begin.
So maybe the question isn’t whether you can see a couples therapist alone. It’s what you might finally say if you could.
Alexandria Lanza, LPC, LCADC, LPAT, ACS, is an EMDR-certified betrayal trauma specialist and founder of Jaded Hearts - Center for Healing in Montclair, NJ. She works with couples navigating infidelity, recurring conflict, and major relationship decisions through couples therapy intensives, retreats, and the Betrayal Recovery Program, in person in Montclair and virtually across New Jersey. Learn more about Alexandria or explore couples therapy intensives.
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